In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
