don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
