I think my fart just growled at me.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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