happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
