i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
