So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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