The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
