Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
