based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
