My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
