tell your sister to shave her snatch
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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