I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
