oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
