I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
