All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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