so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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