What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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