I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
