The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
