I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
