I just pynch a tree in the face
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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