I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
If that was your dad, he is hot
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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