i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
