I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Terrible idea I love it
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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