U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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