her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
