We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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