In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
