you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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