You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
