He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
