I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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