She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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