she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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