I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
