Where did you get a picture of my penis
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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