Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Houston, we have a squirter
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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