Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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