She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My balls are so social today.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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