Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
