i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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