And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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