Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
