oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I take back everything I said about communal showers
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
