Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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