none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
