it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
