It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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