i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
