I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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