Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
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He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
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I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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