Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
