I forgot how hot balto sounded
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
