I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
