Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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