these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
