he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
There are leaves in my underwear?
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