Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
