youre lurking in front of me
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
