I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
