I CAN MOONWALK!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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