It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
