Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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