He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
