So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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