I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm too high and old for this...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
