Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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