I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
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So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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