I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
