ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
