JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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