you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
