Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
