Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
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The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
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HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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