you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
