Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
