i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
