Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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