i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
