the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
